WAY BACK WHEN....

       In honour of children’s day, I just wanted to take a moment to remember the craziest parts of our childhood. All the good times before physics, beards, work and life itself began.

       Do you remember when we were little and would believe anything, our parents would tell us all kinds of stories to make us behave. My mum always tells me about the time I was wailing because I wanted the peppersoup my dad was having and so she went in and poured meat stock in a plate and gave me to drink. And then there was the very popular ‘if you eat too much of this, it will grow in your stomach and out of your mouth’. That one worked so well on me, after my aunt told me, I stayed away from groundnut for a long time. Even with all the lies our parents told us, they weren't as bad as the ones we told ourselves and our siblings. It always cracks me up when someone talks about how they deceived their younger siblings into thinking half meat was better than full meat lol.

   Then there were the cartoons, as far as I'm concerned, kids nowadays don’t know cartoons. These things they watch now just come with long straws to suck their IQs. The real cartoons were Tom and Jerry, Scooby Doo, Wacky Races and all the rest. I remember rooting for Daphne and Fred’s relationship and how happy I got whenever they showed any Tom and Jerry episode when Tom was ‘in love’, with his pupils turning into hearts and then New Year Tom and Jerry marathons, heaven! Then there were those hilarious dwarfs in Wacky Races .

    It was good to not have to worry about anything; back then my biggest problem was that I thought 10 + 10 was 100. Don’t judge me. All it took to impress girls was goody goody and shapes if you were rich.  Whatever happened to goody goody anyway and Nice biscuit and that ring sweet? Thank God kidnapping wasn't rampant then though, because with that ring sweet they could probably have kidnapped my entire class.

   I remember I used to want to be an artist, I would imagine that I had painted flowers and the sun in a room. I traced pictures from all those activity books and my siblings would be hailing me like I was Da Vinci. I was so convinced that I was the next best thing in art until I got 3 out of 10 in visual art in JS1, at what point I quickly advised myself and changed career.

    Watching movies when I was young, if I even sensed from a mile away that they were about to kiss, I would cover my eyes for  like five seconds, that was the deepest it went back then. If there was a sex scene that they covered with blanket that was the end of the movie, to your tent O  Israel! That movie would find itself at the bottom of a cupboard somewhere, blue films were things you only heard of in church ‘ Don’t watch blue film or you will go to hell’. No one even says blue film now.

     Most of my childhood memories are probably too embarrassing to be shared; I'm sure most of us have the one where we forgotten in school. I remember they didn't come to pick me and my siblings, I was probably in primary 2 or 3 then, I remember being the one that directed them home though, funny how I was better with directions then than I am now.

    And then there was the time I was preparing for common entrance, all that Ugo C. Ugo stress while everyone else was playing and enjoying themselves. According to my parents, I wrote a note saying ‘ mummy and daddy, please I'm tired’. That sounds like something I would do though. Most of the childhood memories are just pictures, like the first time I used a pen and the pen I used; then I remember the seat arrangement of my primary 5 class. I remember the 1^st to 6^th position in my primary four class. Weird? Maybe. Share your own funny childhood memories, I’d love to hear them. Happy Belated Children’s day to all our inner children!

THE LIE THEORY

                

The Microsoft Encarta Dictionaries defines the verb to lie as to: ‘deliberately say something untrue: to say something that is not true in a conscious effort to deceive somebody’ ©Microsoft Corporation 2009 (Make I put copyright before them sue me abeg).      The important thing to note is that before somebody can be said to have lied: his statement must be deliberately untrue, and it must be made with a conscious effort to deceive. *clears throat** This means that if an untrue statement is made, but in the absence of that conscious effort to deceive, it cannot be said to be a lie, even though the false statement was made deliberately. Thus, if the intention or effort to deceive was subconscious or unconscious, then it is not a lie.             Similarly, if someone makes a statement, which at the time of stating it, he had reasons to believe his statement was true, and it turns out to be in fact false, then it can be said that the person has not told a lie.            Consider the example of a person who is asked about the whereabouts of another, and he gives a location based on where he reasonably believes this other to be, he cannot be presumed to have lied.           Then the case of a girl who is expected at a party, but is sleeping at home, receives a call from her friend who asks her, “where are you”, and she replies, “I am on my way.” Can it be said that she lied? If she had the intention of putting that statement into manifestation at the time of making it, then she is justified, even if she doesn't actually carry out that intention. Besides, the statement was not made in a bid to deliberately deceive her friend as to her location, but rather with the intention of lessening the concern on the part of her friend.           What about the case of the secretary whose boss instructs her to inform visitors that he is not around. When a customer eventually comes in asking for her boss, and she replies in accordance with her boss’ instructions, can it be said that she lied? It can be said that she fulfilled the requirement of consciously deceiving the person, but the issue of whether or not her action/statement was ‘deliberate’ comes into play. She was no doubt acting under express instructions, which can be presumed to be against her will. At law, it will be said that she acted under duress. The same Encarta Dictionary which I am relying on defines ‘deliberate’ as something carefully thought out and done intentionally. In the instant scenario, the secretary didn’t carefully think out her actions, rather, it was her boss who fulfilled that requirement, and her boss also fulfils the requirement of intention, because the original intention to tell a mistruth originated from him. It can be possibly that the secretary had no intention of telling the lie, but had no choice in the matter. Hence, she is excluded from any liability. Besides, it can be argued that her deception of the customer was not conscious, since it was not intentional.           The same principle applies where a father instructs his wife or kid to inform his creditor that he is not at home when he is in fact hiding under the bed. In fact, a kid acting under this scenario cannot even be said to be acting deliberately especially when he is below the age of 12. Neither can his action/words be said to be conscious or even deliberate because he lacks the capacity to carefully think it out, and it was obviously not intentional because it was under the express authority of his father, with the threat of sanction in case of non-compliance. That’s why sometimes we hear things like: “My daddy said I should tell you that he is not at home”.            But where a wife acts under the same circumstances, she may be liable, depending on the degree of interest she has in the matter. Where she supports or encourages her husband to make such deception, or where she has spent out of the money that the creditor wants to collect, then she has fulfilled all conditions of deliberate intention, and conscious effort to deceive.           Therefore, since deliberate intention, and conscious effort to deceive are the key factors in determining lies, anyone wishing to justify a lie not in any of the aforementioned categories just needs to show that the lie did not originate from him. Or he can train himself in such a way that he himself is unconscious to the fact that he is telling a lie. For instance, engaging the use of split-second timing i.e. answering questions immediately they are asked in such a manner that would seem to be your sub-conscious answering. When one wastes time before answering a question, there is a presumption that he has carefully thought out his answer.         There is also the doctrine of necessity. Where a lie is told to protect the person being lied to. It cannot be said in such circumstances that you are deceiving the person-not when the lie is told for his own benefit.                     But the crux of the matter is that he who lies unjustifiably is going to hell. And when you try to justify an unjustifiable lie, you are going straight to hell. I am Oluwanonso_Esq on Twitter; and that is not a lie.

UNIBEN FACULTY OF LAW LOSES A LEGEND.

He was 19 years old.

He was in 400 level.

He had been the Class representative since 100 level.

He was very brainy, and very handsome.

His name was Caesar Austus Ekeoba.

He just returned from Washington DC for the Jessup Moot Cup Competition.

He went to represent Nigeria.

He did well there.

This was not the first time he had represented Nigeria in an international competition.

He was a veteran of the Faculty of Law Jural Court

He had represented the Faculty of Law in countless competitions.

The last time I saw him ,

Just after he returned from the US,

He was smiling, as always

You can never find him frowning.

Always friendly, ready to help anyone out.

Loved by all, despised by none

On his way to be a foremost politician

Ready to play the dirty game by the accepted rules.

The stage was his, already conquered

All that left was his ascension.

But alas! death came like the proverbial night thief 

Snatching our colleague and friend from us

Just after his return from America

Where he had done Nigeria proud

With a wealth of knowledge to bless the nation.

Had not death struck; we would probably be laughing by now,

Night class would be lively with Caesar greeting everyone,

The Faculty of Law would be a joyous place,

And UNIBEN would be a bastion of blessing;

Because Caesar lives!

We have lost a gem, a prophet of change

We have lost a politician, a man of the masses

We have lost a lawyer, a custodian of the law

We have lost a colleague, like no other

We have lost a friend, irreplaceable in our hearts.

The doctors say he died of Cerebral Abscess

But we all know he died as a result of man’s vileness.

A rabbit does not just run into a burning bush

Without something at its heels.

Whoever killed Caesar, shall have rest no more.

Until justice befitting is done to him.

Rest in Peace Caesar,

Till we meet again.

THE LORD HELP NIGERIA

              Following the recent spate of events in the country, I couldn't have agreed less with Achebe that,'When the society is ill,then the task facing the writer to portray the ills of the society is an uphill one.' Evidently,the unhealthy Nigerian polity begging for our indulgence disposes any iota of doubt as to the enormity of the task facing the Nigerian writer. Infact, the unstable nature of the situation  had to a great extent,exhausted the flow of my pen.            
                     Our own society had been besieged by some obscure and indescribable situation,which often appears to promisingly curve upward,but,nonetheless is doomed to fall,though it is besotted with hopeful figurants. The situation is made more worrisome and unfortunate by the actions-rather, inactions of those whom we've put in place to guarantee the non-occurence of such turgid disturbances. It is saddening and heart-aching to know that even as such upheavals are boldly staring at us in the face,those whom public trust have been entrusted upon to steer us out of the wavering murky waters cannot even steer themselves out of their own personal murky waters. They have repeatedly proven their mastery at failure!                        
                    Is it not painful enough that some erratic fellows will only gain happiness when they've harvested human life in the same way chickens meet their fate every 25th December, and the government to a large extent grant them a thriving platform to carry out their carnage by always giving a laconic We-are-on-top-of-the-situation response?. So,the federal government only felt obligated to the Nyanya bomb blast victims by just dishing out some photo-shopped pretentious presence whereas their minds were impatiently waiting for the jollification at Kano? Honestly, one surely cannot help but wonder if we still have a thinking man as President or a dummy as the Commander-in-Chief. What on earth could move our President to declare a national day of mourning,thereby postponing a weekly Federal Executive Council meeting, on account of the death of the Vice-president's brother? So,the traumatised survivors of the Nyanya bomb blast merely deserved some studio-composed faces at their bedsides -only for the 'concerned' faces to vigorously try to outdo each other with some Micheal Jackson stunts in a rally which couldn't wait,because 2015 is just around the corner,or that the opposition party members were seen on their way to take over the government.                
                             For over two weeks and, over 234 school children have gone missing and the government still hasn't heard about it because the children were unfortunate enough not to be born by Dame Patience Jonathan-who has untenably wasted enough public funds,claiming to be a Mother-General figure for the whole country-that those innocent children should not be rescued? The Nigerian populace are certainly wandering in a world of calculated eccentricities,indirections, and seeming hopelessness where their calls for responsible leadership is overwhelmed by extravagant ineptness.                                          
              Since the Nigerian government had sworn to continuously uphold their principles of failures,true Mothers and Mothers-to-be have decidted to take the bull by its horns to cleanse the house of its filth. To this end,a nationwide march has been organised to remind those elected officials that they still owe us some duty of care,even though we know they don't give a hoot. They must bring back those abducted kids! Enough is enough this time around! Everybody should join in this clarion call to BRING BACK OUR GIRLS!!!                                       #BringBackOurGirls.


       NB While we are complaining, yet another bomb blast has just hit Nyanya in Abuja, May the good Lord lead us out of these trying times.

                                                                                      COLLINS ARIKOR