BASKETMOUTH: HIT OR MISS?

Nigerian Ace comedian Basketmouth recently posted a joke on his Facebook pagein which he compared the behaviour of White girls to African girls when asking them out. According to most critics, the overbearing subject matter of the joke is rape. many commentators have taken to the pages of newspapers and blogs tro express their displeasure at the 'uncultured' joke which a 'role model whom the society looks up' cracked.
The uncanny thing about human beings is that no matter the decision you take, there would always be a cross section of people with a dissenting view. It would amount to an impossibility to try to please everybody on this planet, and Nigeria is a country that is blessed with more than a fair share of critics and 'bad-belles'. The joke which Basketmouth posted on his Facebook page has long been deleted, but the pungent effect of his wording lingers on. A snapshot of the offending joke is attached to this post.
Upon a critical and unbiased examination of the joke, one cannot but agree with me that there is indeed more than an element of truth in his words. His comparison of African girls to White girls, although exaggerated, is not far-fetched. Many an African guy know that it takes a lot of investment to ask an African girl out and get that thing they want. The bulk of the criticism against Basketmouth's joke is not even in the truth or falsity of his observations, but rather the last word that he wrote: RAPE!!! How does writing a one letter word like Rape make someone a rapist or a supporter of rape? When one removes the specks of bias in his eyes and examines the joke less closely, one would find that the joke does not in any way support rape. Just because a majority of critics chose to pick on a particular word he used to the exclusion of every other word contained in the joke does not make the majority right.
Basketmouth was quick to come up with a rejoinder where he apologised for any and all misinterpretations and misconceptions associated with his joke. He even went personal, reminding his fans that he has a wife and daughter whom he is very much prepared to die protecting against rape. You can read his rejoinder here.
The level of maturity which characterises Basketmouths' reply is one uncommon to this generation.
Rape is indeed an unpleasant sensation, and unarguably a lady's worst nightmares. J.K Rowling in her Harry Potter series through the learned Professor Albus Dumbledore remarked that "The fear of a name increases the fear of the thing itself". Does this then mean that the fear of the word 'RAPE' will increase the fear of the act itself?

I am Oluwanonso_Esq on Twitter

TIME FOR A REVOLUTION

When evil becomes so predominant in a land, weep not that the people suffer but weep more that the good people are silent over it. I believe a lot of Nigerians are up to speed with the recent modalities of our present day Government under the auspices of President Goodluck Ebele Jonathan. Taking the rough with the smooth, it has always been a rough ride for this country. Although no country can be an ivory tower of perfection, the situation in Nigeria were the citizens feel unnecessary pains that can be averted is one that cannot be taken with a pinch of salt. In as much as most of our leaders have decided to soil the beautiful realities of this country with evil intents and rocky disbelieve, I am out of humour to say that Nigeria's jeremiad can only be averted through a purposeful revolution.
The internal crises of the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) that saw some G7 Governors cross-carpet to the All Progressive Congress (APC) does not in any way give a tincture of my expression of a revolution. The APC have ironically shown to Nigerians that they are strong advocates of change that's why they could admit some PDP deviants whose bites are worst than their barks into their fold, and also declare the Freudian slip as done by Alhaji Kawu Baraje that "it is a merger" instead of a cross-carpeting. Some of the leaders and card-carrying members of the APC have at one point in time held political positions in this country and much significance were not attained. So like the Republicans and the Democrats in the U.S, it seems clear that only two dominant party will have landslides come 2015. But the issue of party is never the problem in Nigeria; the problem has always been the candidates who field the parties. Governor Godswill Akpabio of Akwa Ibom State is performing swimmingly in the state even though he is a PDP member. The Governor of Lagos State, Fashiola is as well doing excellently in the state even though he is an APC candidate. Whether you belong to any political fold, personality differences remains the core of any practical democracy.
I envision a change where most of our recent crop of leaders will begin ossifying from the minds of Nigerians and a new spring of leaders who were not born with a silver spoon in their mouth, and even though born with it have the people at heart. Leaders who have gone through the drills of the society; who know what it means not to have a job, nor have light for five days. Leaders who know what it means not to pay pensioners their arrears. I pray God lead us to discover this crop of leaders.
It is no longer news that a bill allowing politicians to own foreign accounts in foreign banks have passed second reading, while about forty million Nigerians still lie doggo at the mercy of unemployment. The twirls that have shrouded the missing N500billion Subsidy Reinvestment Empowerment Programme (SURE-P) funds are no gainsaying to the fact that they have suddenly developed hands and legs into private accounts. The low level of education in our government and the continual increase in alcoholism amongst our politicians has led largely to her poor performance. I listened with keen interest to the Anambra Decides on AIT when some politicians could not fully express themselves in the English language, yet they are still in government while some intelligent graduates keep storming companies with their curriculum vitae (CV) scouting for a job. I have always said it that Nigeria's politics is ‘caviar to the general'. It is the most lucrative business with the highest net profits that involves virtually little or no capital venture but with inflated levels of connections. Little wonder did the Prime Minister of Britain say that "if the amount of money stolen in Nigeria happened in the U.K, U.K would no longer exist". It is with gracious feelings that I thank the Swiss Government for refunding the $700m laundered by the Abacha's regime. It is a pointer that foreign leaders with sincerity of purpose have no dealings with skullduggeries. I pray these monies do not go into private pockets again. The fortunate confession made by Governor Sule Lamido of Jigawa State upon the long detention of his two sons by the EFCC indicted for public money laundering that; ‘for every small thief there is a bigger one' mirrors a dark beam of light for this country.
If these iron gloves of oppression in the guise of leadership continues, then we will keep living in the jackboots of deceit where our spirits like the sting of an adder are crushed every moments of disappointment. The political turmoil that rocked Libya was eventually brought to an end when the people revolted. The tumultuous situation that has now restored temporary peace in Egypt upon the ousting of President Mohammed Morsi was the handiwork of the citizens. The revolution that brought in Jerry John Rawlings in the 1980s in Ghana was the crafted work of the people's courage and support. It is not that I am trying to insinuate a violent revolution neither am I trying to stoke up sedition against the government. All I am saying is that when a thing becomes too frequent in a particular land, it prevails until the good people rises to the occasion to beard the lion through the ballot.
I am not fain to start talking about the deficiencies of the Nigerian ballot system. Nigerians in the night of the storm ought to pray not for the safety from danger but from deliverance of fear to take actions. Nigerians solution lies not in the government but in her citizens, and with the instrumentality of the ballot being the voice and power of the people, I see a looming revolution.

God bless Nigeria.

Davidson Obabueki

BUTCHERING THE BUTCHER

Alhaji was the head of butchers in our community and my father owed him a lot of money. He was always coming to our house to ask for his money but Papa could not pay.
One evening, after our dinner of cous cous, Papa called me and spoke to me in an unusually gentle voice. Please dont misunderstand me. Papa isn't a wicked father but he isn't a very kind man either! Papa said to me that night, "Salimot, my child, you know since your mother left us, I have been doing the job of a father and mother. And I think I have done a good job because I did my best to make sure you turned out to be the best woman you can be." I nodded my head in anticipation. What was he going to say next?
I didn't have to keep wondering for long. He continued, "In life, a woman needs three people, a father, a mother, and a husband. I am your father, have tried my best to be your mother, but I can not be your husband."
Okay, now this is getting scary, I thought.! What exactly is he trying to say? As if Papa knew what was going through my mind he said
"U will marry Alhaji Danladi next week. "
Of all the bombshells I was expecting, this was certainly not on my mind!
Not Alhaji! The butcher! That old man! That man is older than my father!
In shock, I did the unthinkable! I openly disagreed with my father!
"Papa, I won't marry him!"
The next thing I felt was the sharp slap I received. "How dare u question my authority! How dare you open that dirty mouth of yours to say you wont marry Alhaji? Walahi talahi, if you werent my only daughter, I would have shown you the side of me you don't want to see! Like it or hate it, you will marry Alhaji next week Friday!"
And that was it! My wedding day was not all joyful and sparkling for me. I had to muster all the courage in me not to cry. I simply took solace in the fact it would soon be over and soon I found myself smiling! Soon it would all be over and my husband, however old, will take me to his house and take care of me!

Excruciating, painful, does not adequately define my first night in Alhaji's house. He practically raped me! He demanded all sorts of strange things, even anal sex! I cried and begged for mercy but Alhaji would hear none of my pathetic whines, as he called it. After he was done, I cried to Allah, Why had he decided to put me through this suffering? Why didn't he let me die in the fire that claimed my mothers life? I begged him to take my life but even Allah turned a deaf ear to my cries as I was still alive the next morning.
My life was a timetable of all forms of abuse. At night I was repeatedly raped, in the day I was made a slave. I soon forgot the meaning of happiness and I became gloom personified. A year and few months later, I got pregnant. It was bitter sweet for me. I wanted a child but not one fathered by a brutal man! I didn't want my child to have any trace of brutality. I prayed for my child, I prayed that its soul remained pure.
One night, about 5 months into the pregnancy, Alhaji used me so mercilessly that I miscarried the pregnancy. I was beside myself with grief. The one and only thing I wanted in this marriage was gone because of this man's selfishness, greed and wickedness! I hated Alhaji that day with a passionate hatred! Months later, I noticed I had minimal bladder control, I practically wet myself each time I felt the urge to urinate. I went to visit a doctor and I was diagnosed of V.V.F. I didn't know what it meant, I just knew I was leaking and I smelled a lot. I thought the disease will reduce the way Alhaji used me but it didn't. He continued treating me like a sex toy and I plunged further into depression.

The last straw that broke the camel's back was an incident that occurred four years into my ill fated marriage to Alhaji Danladi. That night, I was feeling very very sick and he came to me for sex. I pleaded with him, explaining how sick I felt. Alhaji didn't care, instead, he drew my legs apart and threatened to tie them to the bed posts if he needed to. On hearing this I lost my cool and fought him but he was too powerful. He made good his threat and tied my legs indeed. It was that night I decided to free myself from this bondage. Papa would not take me back but I had no other choice. The opportunity presented itself one afternoon Alhaji had just returned from his butchers meeting and wanted sex again! I tried to protest but he began beating me and I had no other choice but to fight back. I fought and fought but Alhaji had more advantage over me. Still I was determined not to let this old fool have his way.
I noticed his butchers knife on the table, where he had carelessly dropped it while demanding for 'a good time.' I picked it up in my rage and began stabbing him blindly. I had no intention of killing him. I just wanted him off me for good. His shouts attracted the neighbors but they could not enter the house because he had locked the door, as he always does whenever he wanted to teach me a lesson.
He lay on the floor, dead, and I stood over him, soaked in his blood, glad that I was finally free of him. I took the key from his pocket and opened the door to the neighbors. To say they were shocked will be the understatement of the century and soon I found myself in police custody. I was charged to court but found non guilty of first degree murder on the basis of temporary insanity! That's a joke right? They said I was insane because I felt, and still feel no remorse whatsoever for killing my husband. They said I was insane because I was so deeply depressed that I wasn't thinking.

If wanting my husband dead is madness, then yes, I am mad! If wanting that beast gone is insanity, I don't want to be sane! Yes, I killed my husband but my sole regret is not killing him sooner!

YESTERDAY A HERO, FOREVER A LEGEND

     Even the greatest of kings have to step down from their thrones. These were the first few words that filtered through my head when I heard about the sad demise of one of the most influential people of the 20th century. Quite frankly, his death was expected and inevitable and at the age of 95,it could be boldly described as a life well spent. However, when one considers the fact that he spent 27 years of his life in prison and how his mere existence emboldened and inspired several people to greatness, one cannot help but feel he was 'gone too soon'.
    For the sake of readers who do not know the great Madiba (is that even possible??), he was a South African anti-apartheid activist who after spending over a quarter of his life in prison became the first black South African president. He was also the first to be elected in a fully representative election. A philanthropist, a democratic socialist and an African nationalist.
     Mr. Mandela was one of the most extraordinary liberation leaders  Africa and indeed every other continent ever produced. He led his people to overcome the deeply rooted system of apartheid that prompted racial segregation in every South African life and this he achieved without the bloodshed so many people envisaged.
     His admirable strength of character equipped him for his long struggle, pain and ultimate victory over apartheid. A boxer in his youth, Mandela showed his never say never attitude and even in the face of death, courage and strong will prevailed.
      As President from 1994 to 1999,he exhausted much energy in pacifying and moderating the bitterness of his black electorate while assuring the white populace who had fears of a backlash. After working tirelessly for the people of South Africa for 5 years he declined a second term, something inconceivable in modern Nigeria. Instead Mr. Mandela turned his attention to the continent as a peace broker.
    At the end of his lifetime he had already established himself as an international emblem of unity and even as the world celebrates the life of a legend, There stands to be few lessons Nigerian leaders can pick up from him. Leaders should realise that they are not living for themselves anymore. Being a leader does not start the day you are sworn into office but from the very point they stand and fight for a purpose and then you immediately become a slave to that cause.
     I'm talking to that self-centered classrep who does not realise he belongs to his fellow students. I'm talking to those heads of unions who only think about themselves and the  present. I'm talking to those power hungry politicians whose only concern are themselves and their generations. Live a life that would speak for itself, one deserving of sweet and rich words of fulfilment and selflessness and not one that would be sent off in a grand Abacha-esque style.
     Although Mr. Mandela requested for a quiet and simple exit,the world cannot help but scream       

' NELSON ROLIHLAHLA TATA MADIBA MANDELA,you may be gone but legacy will forever be etched in our collective memories'...

 

 

 

 

THE PHARAOH OF OUR TIME

When God ordered Moses to instruct King Pharaoh of Egypt to release the Israelites from his thralldom, Pharaoh became so obdurate that God hardened his heart. It seemed to him that all else had failed on the part of God and the Israelites notwithstanding the ten plagues when he (Pharaoh)
gave the chase and eventually, together with his chariots met his waterloo
at theRed Sea.

The ongoing impasse with the Federal Government and ASUU seems to havedefied all laws of negotiations. It is no longer news that ASUU embarked on an indefinite industrial action on the 1st of July 2013 spanning over five months now. All essays made by the Federal Government to
resolve their contretemps have proven abortive as ASUU seems to be taking the
fool’s errand approach for a 100% implementation despite the agreement reached in the thirteen hours meeting with the President and some labour leaders, and the subsequent 60-40% vote by the Federal/State Universities indicating a call off of the strike. Instead ASUU have elicited some outrageous demands amongst which are the non-victimization of lecturers by paying up their four months salary, the immediate implementation of the N1.2trillion
agreement reached by Government, et cetera. The Federal Government has been
flounced by this demand and has issued via the Minister of State for
Education and the supervising Minister of Education; Nyesom Wike, a one
week ultimatum, terminating on the 4th of December 2013 to call off the
strike or face the boots. In the meanwhile, the pro-chancellors have ordered all vice chancellors to re-open the universities. Threat has been issued by Nyesom Wike to all lecturers who fail to turn up at this
order and have instructed vice chancellors to declare vacant the seat of
any adamant lecturer and also to open internal or external adverts for
job application to the position of a lecturer.
Ignoring a 60-40% democratic consensus of calling off the strike
by the member universities of ASUU headed by the Chairman; Nasir Isa
Fagge is to me a showmanship of negligence, breach of the rule of law, and
official duty and respect amongst her members. I have never heard in any
country where industrial agreements or disputes are met or resolved in
one sitting. There are some bureaucracies attached to it and can be sorted out
in dribblets even while students are in school. It has never happened
in this country where a President would sit and discuss with ASUU for
thirteen straight hours all to say the strike continues. The once bitten twice
shy syndrome that ASUU have decided to adopt may worsen the situation twice as
fast as students are no longer on the ‘angel side’ owning to the scorching effects of the strike on them.
The ASUU leaders have exterminated the light beaming around Prof. Festus
Iyayi’s death and now their private interest is at stake. At the initial stage they were fighting for a just course but it seems as if their
private pockets are at stake as they are fully demanding their four months
salary for work not done. The thirteen hours meeting with the President
should have been enough to iron out or chime in the issue of the non-
payment of their four months salary, but that was not done. If a student is
absent from lectures for two months with or without reason, whether he
will be given a C grade freely in that course is out of the question. And yet
ASUU are demanding for a lost cause. Whether or not the Trade Dispute
Act guarantees the non-victimization of workers of their salaries is not a
topic for this context as private pockets are superceding the public
interest which is against equity.
The series of plagues that have bedeviled this strike doesn’t seem as a
wary to ASUU as they have decided to toe the line of King Pharaoh of Egypt.
The bossy attitude of King Pharaoh towards the Israelites warranted God to
release His last card that eventually closed his chapter. The plot has
being thicken and every attempt to return the students back to the promise
land have all come a cropper. Now the Federal Government has adopted a gun-boat policy which I am not praying for a Red Sea occurrence, but just like Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte who after his conquest of virtually the Europe, ignoring all advice, fell to the Duke of Wellington at the battles of the waterloo.
Some lecturers have broken ranks within ASUU and those ones whose job are now at stake should kindly return back to the classrooms while negotiations continues because when it happens, we will know that we were only sheep without a shepherd.

God bless Nigeria.

Written by Davidson Obabueki.

HITTING IS FOR PANEL BEATERS

        I know that majority of our readers are probably unmarried but I'm sure most if not all of us want to experience the thrills of marriage eventually. That said, I read a story on www.ofilispe 
 

aks.com (I say 'I read' a lot, don't I? Lol) about a woman whose husband burnt her with hot iron and killed her son! That's her in the picture.  Now, my question is, what on God's green goodness could have made a living, breathing human do something so callous to someone they once claimed to love? Domestic violence is never right, under no circumstances is it justifiable to hit your spouse. Marriage is meant to be a partnership not a serf-baron relationship. Domestic violence, as unbelievable as it may seem, is a two-way thing.    
     Before you marry someone, you should have courted the person for a reasonable amount of time. Now, don't get me wrong, every now and then there are people so dubious that you can't tell their true characters even after months with them. There are also those who show you that they desperately need anger management, but us girls  tend to see only what we want to see. They say love is blind, there should probably be a saying like 'Love has odeeshi' (it does not enter) ; Because how else would you explain a guy hitting his girlfriend and the girl not dumping his sorry behind that very second! Ladies, do not be deceived, don't tell yourself. 'He was angry', 'he's not like that', 'he apologised'. If he hit you once, whether ten years or twenty minutes from now, HE WILL DO IT AGAIN. Let me advise you to advise yourself. "Oh girl, pack your things and pick race!!!" Its better to leave with your organs intact than stick it out in the name of love and die.

          Sometimes, its not even easy to leave. He's possessive, powerful and fearful. My dear you are  Superwoman! If anyone deserves happiness it's you. You shouldn't have to suffer beating. Slave trade was abolished centuries ago, nobody has the right to make you feel anything less than awesome. If he is crazy and doesn't let you leave, use your brains, call a  family member or a friend and do not hesitate if someone wants to help you, don't be brainwashed, Violence is not love!

        Guys, Beating your wife should be right next to poverty on your dreaded lifetime list. Women will nag, insult, shout, annoy; trust me you're not perfect either but nothing she will do will ever make it ok to hit her. If you think you have a hot temper, channel it into making Nigeria better. If you want to hit something to ease out the frustration, my father's mechanic or 'engineer' as he likes to call him, will appreciate the help with all the cars he needs to panel beat. Think of it this way, every guy adores his mum. How would you feel if you saw you dad or anyone hitting your mum? Rage, Instinct to protect......remember that picture when you feel like hitting your wife and flee before the devil uses you because the Judge that will try you won't hear ' it was the devil's handwork' and if you just do it for sadistic pleasure. Ha! Then my friend, your gateman post is waiting for you in Hell oh!    
     All this would just be words if we don't change our mentality. We gravitate towards the most handsome or most beautiful and the wealthiest partners, overlooking other traits and the thing is people show little signs of their true characters, but we choose to overlook them. Its a start to control your anger and promise not to hit your spouse but for those crazy people who do hit their wives, there is a way to help. Send an email to ngozi.ilondu@projectalertnig.org. Project Alert is an N.G.O concerned with domestic violence. There is a law in Lagos prohibiting domestic violence, let's make some noise and increase the awareness. Send an email to the email address provided above asking what you can do to help. Don't think this doesn't concern you, your sister could be suffering for all you know. And remember, if you must hit something, my dad's 'engineer' is in Lekki oooh!                                                                                                    


                                                                                                                    Erin Silver
                                                                                                                    @nky_otk  on twitterwww.ofilispeaks.com

The god of NEPA

GRAND COMMANDER OF THE ORDER OF DARKNESS II

Please click here to read Part 1 of this article

“A belief in a supernatural source of evil is not necessary; men alone are quite capable of every wickedness.” -Joseph Conrad.

Power Hoarding Company of Nigeria, PHCN has proved the truth in Joseph Conrad’s words. Since I posted part 1 of this article, I have not seen NEPA generated electricity in my house with my two eyes or even in my dream. Many of our readers nationwide also complained to me that the moment they opened the link to this story to read it, electricity has become a scarce commodity in their homes. I had to call a prayer warrior in my church who after intense prayers revealed that the father of one of our readers works in PHCN, and he got to read the story through his daughter who showed it to him. And true enough, one of my friends on my Whatsapp list messaged me to confirm this. I have been begging her since to tell her father that he shouldn’t take the article personally.
They finally decided to bring the light after three days of perpetual darkness, but alas, the
light they brought was the true definition of a Greek gift- completely useless. It only succeeded in blowing up all the bulbs in my house, as well as my laptop charger. It seems that they are trying to kill my career. But HE that is in me...

As I write this, it is in fear of the most powerful erst-while public corporation in the country. PHCN seems to have a god who oversees their activities and directs the amount of light that each part of the country should have. This god has successfully proved throughout the country that he is not only to be respected, but also be feared. I remember the period during 2002 FIFA World Cup when our Pastor used to include NEPA in his prayer points for the week. There were also times before Fashola became the governor of Lagos State that you would wake up to find sacrifices just in front of the transformer to appease the god of electricity. I want to vehemently re-iterate, that this god of PHCN should be held in awe in all Nigerian homes. Of course, there are Nigerians who had the privilege of growing up without knowing what NEPA is. These are people whose fathers probably stole millions of naira meant for the development of the country in general and hid in Swiss banks. The rest of us, whose parents religiously paid their taxes were taught at an early age the different mannerisms with which to pay homage to the god of NEPA. Whenever they feel like ‘bringing’ the light, we have to show our appreciation by shouting “UP NEPAAAAAA!!!’ And believe me, the god of NEPA is an omnipresent diety who is always listening to see whether your shout is loud and genuine enough.
This god of NEPA has a way of announcing himself in grand style during Premier League matches on Saturday. He will show us that power does not belong to the masses but the elite just when Van Persie is about to score. And also on Tuesday and Wednesday night during Champions League matches. He also strikes just when the movie has got to that interesting point where Tonto Dikeh is about to slap Nonso Diobi for ‘toasting’ her. And of course, if you are watching the movie on Africa Magic, you will know that the few seconds that it would take to switch on the generator would cost you the satisfaction of actually seeing Nonso Diobi getting slapped.

But given their recent exploits in the homes of Nigerian masses, I would like to confer a National Award on behalf of the Exploited Citizens of Nigeria to this great company: The Grand Commander of the Order of Darkness. Please, if you know anybody that knows anybody that knows the PRO of PHCN, ask him to come ahead and collect the award, because we must give honour to whom honour is due.

                              ****

There was a time in 2011 when President Goodluck Jonathan promised Nigerians that “By the year 2012, Nigerians will not need generators again.” When I heard that, I immediately said ‘Amen’ because it is only by divine intervention that such can only come to pass in this country. True to GEJ’s words, electricity supply increased tremendously throughout the country in the year 2012. But it seems that there will always be a select group of badbellles in this country, people whose births were monitored by witches, who pride themselves in sabotaging resources meant for the good of the Nigerian masses. These badbelles exist in every cadre of the Nigerian society- from the hot shot politician who works in the Ministry of Power to the Permanent Secretaries that divert funds to their private accounts, down to the secretaries and clerks who refuse to be meticulous in their handling of files. These are obviously the men capable of every wickedness that Joseph Conrad spoke about.
We are in the twenty-first century, when the issue of electricity should not be a priority item in this country that enjoys abundant sunlight. The first step to overcoming this malady is to play our part by paying our taxes and NEPA bills promptly. To quote Governor Fashola, “It is when the citizens have played their part by paying their taxes that they can expect the Government to do things for them."

P.S:   Imagine yourself as a parent, and you ask your child that million-dollar question: “What do you want to become when you grow up?” and receive the reply: “I wantchu be a NEPA man when I grow up.” What would your reaction be?

Pls, don't share this article with anyone who has relatives working in PHCN. I have had enough of them.

I am oluwanonso_Esq on Twitter.

GRAND COMMANDER OF THE ORDER OF DARKNESS

Today, we shall be taking a course in Electrical and Electronics Engineering (Elect/Elect). We shall be focusing solely on the most minor source of electricity in Nigeria: the Public Power Sector.
NEPA, the giver and taker of light, the sole administrator for night marauders and protector of all evils is the public agency in charge of electricity distribution in Nigeria (let’s call them NEPA for now). Recent studies indicate that NEPA is one of the most popular agencies in Nigeria. In fact, I am jealous of NEPA’s popularity because hardly a day goes by without people discussing them. My little cousins’ first words in this world was “UP NEPA!” Can you imagine? This girl that had refused to talk for nearly eight months suddenly shouted those magic words about a month ago when NEPA decided to prove their power. And then you can imagine her disappointment when they then took the light barely two minutes later.

The history of NEPA can be traced back to the end of the 19th century when the first generating power plant was installed in Lagos in 1898. Then in 1950, the Electricity Corporation of Nigeria (NEPA’s father) passed an ordinance (whatever that means) with which they were married to the Niger Damn Authority (I mean Niger DAM Authority).  Imagine, it took 23 years before this marriage finally produced a child. The parents had to visit different Babalawos before one powerful Alfa in Ogun State was able to break this barrenness. Thus, ECN and NDA gave birth to NEPA on January 6, 1973.

Then in 1989, under Gen. Ibrahim Babangida, several private investors began to toast NEPA. But most of these private investors were only interested in getting into her pants, and only a few were actually interested in marrying her. But Ibrahim Babngida, who was NEPA’s guardian at that time (her parents ECN and NDA were dead) did not want anyone messing with   NEPA, so he passed a decree, stating that the monopoly of all commercial electricity supply shall be enjoyed by NEPA to the exclusion of all other organisations.
In 2005, Obasanjo began to receive gifts from different men who were interested in NEPA. You see, NEPA was enjoying so great a monopoly of darkness that business men began to get concerned and then they tried using gifts to get the Commander-in-Chief to opt for privatisation. Plans for privatisation started under Obasanjo’s tenure. In April, NEPA officially changed their name from NEVER EXPECT POWER ALWAYS to PROBLEM HAS CHANGED HANDS (PHCN) by which it is known today. The real reason for this change of name is to minimise the abuses that Nigerians heap on them daily. PHCN is a four syllabic word while the pronunciation of NEPA is two-syllabic. This means that it takes twice the effort to say PHCN than to say NEPA. Thus, when they ‘take’ light, and you want to abuse them for their callousness, it will sound somewhat stressful to say “God punish PHCN”. I am sure that the collective insults from Nigerians around the country must have taken its toll on their officials before they sought for spiritual help where it was revealed that their name is the major cause of their bad luck. Thus they decided to change their name to PHCN in 2005. This change of name was accompanied by a change in management, and the Director General of this darkness producing company was changed to an Ijebu man (you know how Ijebu people like holding things like aka gum). This Ijebu Director General brought in his kinsmen to head the Electricity Distribution Division in the company. The switchboard operators were also changed to Ijebus. Those who were not Ijebus by origin but managed to be employed were made to swear an oath as a prerequisite to their employment that they must perform up to their nomenclature to hold power constantly, even when is cheaper to release it…

It seems that the time allotted for this lecture is over. So we will have to adjourn this class till next week.

IMPORTANT: This article is devoid of any intention to malign any ethnic group or group of persons in this country. All references to ethnic groups are mainly for humour.
Abeg… make una hear ooo. Before one badbelle go carry me go court.  

I am oluwanonso_Esq on Twitter.

The Davido Mentality

DAVIDO GIVES BACK

I stumbled upon this information yesterday and I couldn’t resist posting it. Nigerian pop star David Adeleke a.k.a Davido added one more year to his very young age as he clocked 21. What better way for him to start his day than to exhibit a very generous spirit by giving back to the society that made him who he is today. Davido started his day at the Ikeja Government Primary School where he blessed the pupils with stationery and electronic learning aids. He then visited the Heart of Gold Children’s Hospice and also the Heritage Homes Orphanage where he blessed the residents with gifts of love. Of course, donations to orphanages is not a new thing in this country where wealth abounds in magnitude. But as equity always look to the intention, one must agree that his intentions where purely noble and gallant. Davido is one who technically did not achieve the great heights where he is today through the society. Popularly referred to Omo Baba Olowo, he is the son of a Baba Olowo (Google the meaning).
What I love about his actions is that he did it quietly without ‘louding’ it as is characteristic of most Nigerian politicians today. Had it been that popular ‘maga’ in PDP who decided to do same the same, he would have made sure that all the television cameras in the country where at the scene of wherever he wanted to donate a few ‘chicken change’ to the children from whose parents he had stolen money. And then our ‘Bros’ in APC, in a bid not to be outdone will make sure that his own donation receives CNN coverage.

How many politicans today even remember to give to the less privileged on their birthdays? Except perhaps when elections are around the corner. And if ever they bother to donate anything, their donations will always be accompanied by fliers and grandiloquent propaganda filled speeches, asking the people to vote for them. I wish that these old politicians should take a cue from Davido who did not even sell a single track or brainwash his benefa ctors to listen to his track.
Davido, as we say, ‘Your mama born you well”. I hope you will continue the philanthropic works, and also sing good songs that will add value to the lives of Nigerians. You have already displayed your generous attitude with the Skelewu Dance Competition in September.

See the pictures. O boy, these gallons and trucks no be here oooo.

WHO IS FOOLING WHO?

And so it had happened that Aunty Stella’s idealistic nature was overpowered by her practical side. Though she was very much another politician on the take, she never allowed the perks of stolen wealth attract her.

From their point of view, the senate might think they are doing us a great favour by opting to investigate the alleged misappropriation of funds by our first-rate aviation minister, Stella Oduah. But of course, we all know where and how their whole charade would turn up. Characteristic of them, they have threatened fire and hailstones when we all know that nothing good would come out of their endless probing. Well, our legislators are always top of the line in their profession. In a seemingly well-practiced act, they have decided to investigate our genteel of an aviation minister. Alas! We are no strangers to their endless comic displays. It’s been long since we last attach any weighted meaning to the scenes being proffered by our comedian-legislators.

The British Statesman, Winston Churchill once declared, "There comes a time in the life of a man (well in this case, a woman) when he would be figuratively tapped on the shoulders (such a time presented itself to our aviation minister) and offered the chance to do a very special thing unique to him and fitted to his talents (considering the Nigerian polity, this rarely classifies as being unique when compared to our fuel subsidy thieves and police pension thief, sorry, boss). What a tragedy if that moment finds him unprepared or unqualified for that which would have been his finest hour."
As a well-bred Nigerian politician, Stella quickly rose to the occasion in unfaltering
cadence. Let that senator who is without a private jet cast the first stone.

Well, Aunty Stella, don’t mind them. That’s how they would be poking their pot-bellies into other people’s affairs. The word jealousy certainly would do no justice to describe their actions. I don’t blame their masochist, old-fashioned and palm-wine blurred reasoning. They don’t have the slightest inkling of how much a tube of Mary Kaycosts.
They think the meagre billions being appropriated yearly to your ministry
is enough to buy the soap you bath with. At least, you are being magnanimous
enough by patching our runways with some of your Mary Kay. You’ve always provided us with expired flying coffins while you take pride in flying state-of-the-art
aircrafts, just as the aviation sector is in a total state of upheaval. Indeed, you are not a learner!

Only God knows what position and status they would have bestowed on James Ibori had the British criminal justice not run to our aid. So the senate should stop fooling themselves, for we all are witnesses to how the Tony Anenihs, Farouk Lawans, Patricia Ettehs, Arunma Ottehs and recently, Diepreye Alamieyeseighas are gallivanting within the corridors of power unabashedly leaving us in an utter state of perplexity. Indeed, ours are ministering with a difference.
               

God bless   Nigeria.

Written by Collins Arikor.

Lions, Barefeet and Courage

Since university lecturers do not seem willing to return to their lecture theatres until the Federal Government is ready to hand over the whole National treasury to them, let me assume the role of a History teacher today.

This is a legend (or should I say myth?) that has been spurn in the home of every sport loving Nigerian family. It is the story of the legendary match between Nigeria and India where India thrashed (sounds too mild- hammered, trounced, whipped, and slaughtered) the Green Eagles of Nigeria by 99 goals to 1. Aha! That is the one I am talking about. India 99-1 Nigeria. If you didn’t hear this story, and you are at least in Junior Secondary school, then it means that you either didn’t grow up in the country, or you are an extreme Ajebo- the type whose fathers steal millions of naira meant for the development of the country and hide in Swiss banks.

TALES FROM ACROSS THE NIGER

   

  With every passing and fleeing second, Anambra State is coming closer to electing another first citizen for a four-year period. As usual, the terrain is fraught with different crevasses. Few words in a dictionary could sufficiently describe the rising tension in the state. The plots is surely thick to provide us with enough twists in the tale. Besides being recently inducted into the much coveted oil-producing states of Nigeria. Anambra State has a lot to offer us historically. It gave us a Chinua Achebe-unarguably the greatest African writer of all times, and a Chimamanda Adichie,another rising literary giant. In the field of mathematics ,the greatest Nigerian mathematician happened to hail from the state and I assure you it was by no means a coincidence that Philip Emeagwali, the computer prodigy happened to be from Anambra state. Entertainment wise, the legendary king of Igbo highlife music, the late Osita Osadebe came from Anambra state, and not to forget current hip-hop sensation ,P-square,(personally, I like those guys).
              Despite having such array of grandeur, politics in the state is not without its share of intrigues and so when the Supreme court deemed it fit that Anambra state gubernatorial polls should run differently from other Nigerian States, few people gave that a second thought for Anambra state has been known to offer diverse forms of history. The current governorship race seems to be thinning down to a three way affair between former governor Chris Ngige of APC, incumbent-blessed Willie Obiano of APGA and money bag Ifeanyi Ubah of the Labour party. In all fairness to other aspirants, it is certain they stand a chance to be in Goverment house, Awka come November 16,2013,but for goodness sake! the promise by Ifeatu Ekelem of African Democratic Congress(ADC) to build five universities-a fact which Nollywood is yet to come to terms with seems a preposterous illusion of hope and so does the political aspirations of Okeke Chika Jerry of the Action
 Alliance(AA) except of course as Chinua Achebe captures it in his short story, the voter, they want it to be known that there was a time they contested Anambra gubernatorial polls.
               And of course(trust Naija politics),the politics of calumny is doubtlessly thick in the buildup to the polls.Blatant accusations are being leveled at one another by the candidates. one omnious spectacle is the actions of the ruling party who seem to have finally decided on Tony Nwoye to bear their flag in the elections after their horrendous show of debacle.
         Well, whichever way the pendulum decides to swing come November 16 ,one fact stands sure:16 November,2013 is going to be another epoch-making day that would be etched in the annals of Anambra state history and by extension, Nigerian history.




                                                                                                                   COLLINS ARIKOR

NIGERIA CANNOT BE COMMERCIALIZED

When the Westminster System of Government was in force in Nigeria, Prime Minister Tafawa Balewa was too futuristic to have urged Nigerians to “move with quiet dignity to our place on the world stage”. On a fifty-three (53) years journey to nationhood, our destination to the world stage has been greeted by chapters of accident, amongst which is the long proposed commercialization of Nigeria. In as much as Nigerians want her country to grow amongst the Comity of States, constructive criticisms of some religiously coated and defective characters in and out of government, does not amount to aggression or hatred of her country; for to criticize one’s country is to render her service and pay her compliments.

 

          Eleven days after Nigeria got her political independence on October 1, 1960, the Sardauna of Sokoto, Sir Ahmadu Bello said, as was carried by the Parrot Newspaper on October 12, 1960, that: “The nation called Nigeria should be an estate of our great grandfather Othman Dan Fodio. We must ruthlessly prevent a change of power. We use the minorities in the North as willing tools and the South as a conquered territory and never allow them to rule over us and never allow them to have control over their future”. General Muhammadu Buhari (rtd) did not hide his feelings towards President Goodluck Jonathan’s presidential ambition when he said that; “There may be no Nigeria. I draw parallel with Somalia as many times (Somalisation of Nigeria). I am scared about that. Somalia; they are one ethnic group, one religion, Islam, but for eighteen (18) years, Somalia became so selfish, so corrupt, so undisciplined and they have wrecked the country”. Former Vice President Atiku Abubakar was not spared from this bandwagon when he said that, “Those who make peaceful change impossible will make violent change inevitable”.

          I cannot but classify these old men as little children still suckling their mother’s breast. Nigeria is a democratic State founded on the principles of Equality Justice and Freedom, and not a theocratic State founded on the dogmas of Ethnicity, Religiosity, and Devilry where some politicians decide that the compass of government will be operated from the North or a different section of the country. I can remember when some Northern Governors said that power must return to the North by 2015. This appears very contradictory, that I am forced to ask whether the North is a country per se. The leaders clamoring for the return of power to the North have not fully laid down their own bed. There are about seven (7) million underage girls who are out of school in the North. The highest level of poverty in the country stems from the North. The highest level of illiteracy is in the North. The slowest pace of development is also from the North and yet they say power must return to the North. The Governors of these Northern States no doubt receive their statutory allocations and other fringe benefits accruing from the States and Local Government Consolidated Revenue Account. In spite of all these fiscal arrangement, the North has remained backward and stagnant in development. I wonder how one who cannot manage effectively a small apartment, dares to think of managing a larger one. Let us not be quick to forget the diabolical statement made by Buhari after he lost out to President Jonathan in the 2011 presidential elections, that “he will make this Nation ungovernable for him”. True to his words, the recent upsurge of the deadly Islamic sect, Boko Haram has left much to be desired. In their bid to eradicating Western education, a lot of Nigerians have fallen to their sword.

          On the issue of the proposed National dialogue, the Governor of Jigawa State, Sule Lamido audaciously said that the State will not field any representative in the dialogue, as if Jigawa State is not part of Nigeria.

          No matter what these and other emissaries of rift try to speedy up the division of this nation by commercializing it to a section, Nigeria still remains one and an indivisible country where notwithstanding ones ethnic affiliations and religious denomination, any competent leader from any part of the country can via elections, ascend and pilot the compass of government. From the North, East, South and West of Nigeria, the language of unity and the air of freedom must continue to be spoken and breathe amongst our leaders and the led every moment of a passing day. No matter what 2015 holds, Nigerians continue to live not only as a geographical entity but as a united State still on the journey to her place on the world stage.

 

 

                                                                                               DAVIDSON

 

DARE TO DREAM



Zuriel Oduwole with Mrs. Portia Miller, Prime Minister of Jamaica

I was reading a story in Linda Ikeji’s Blog some days ago (Any LIBers in the house? hehe) and I saw the story of Zuriel Oduwole, the 11 year old who has taken the world by storm by being the youngest person to have been interviewed by Forbes and for her passion to enhance education of the girl child in Africa. This girl even before her teenage years has achieved most of the things we wrote in   our essays back in primary school that we wanted to do as adults.

    She, by following a dream which was borne out of a school projects has met with and interviewed majority of the leaders in Africa and even has a computer lab in her name in Tanzania. Some of you might say ‘it’s only because her parents were rich enough to get her those opportunities, all fingers are not equal….’; but the thing is, it’s such excuses that we give ourselves as a reason not to chase our dreams. Every one of us has been blessed with a talent, some multiple talents even to shine and do awesome things but we choose to hide in corners and give ourselves excuses not to soar.

  There’s never a time to early to start chasing a goal and there’s definitely no deadline for one either. I’m sure the Lagos guys reading this know about KFC, yes that place that you took that babe and she sucked you dry; the owner of KFC  Colonel Harland Sanders was what we call ‘bad market’. He had more than ten jobs in his lifetime, most of which he was fired from for insubordination or getting into an altercation. At one point, he was even a lawyer and got into a fight with his own client! It was during one of his numerous jobs that he started making chicken for people and at the age of 65 found his true calling. Now, you can’t think of chicken without thinking of KFC.

Colonel Harland Sanders, founder of KFC

  Also, there’s never a dream to small. It’s probably in our nature as humans but we should learn not to look down on people or even judge people based on their circumstances. You never truly know the true story without being told by the person who experienced it. I also read about this young girl who got into university at fifteen, very bright; only to become pregnant at 18. Of course, the preacher in all of us would go ‘see how this girl just mumu-ed herself now.‘ Well she had the baby and dropped out of school as she couldn’t cope with motherhood and academics while so young. Her father was enraged of course but she took to selling goods and later got back into a private university to study business administration due to her experience from sales. This time, she didn’t make any mistakes; she finished as the best graduating student of her year. This is a true story o, just to let us know that the only thing that can hold you back from being awesome is actually you, not the witch climbing NEPA pole in your village, or the girl giving you bad eye in your class; Just YOU.

    So, don’t let anything or anyone stop you. If you have that talent, develop it and let the world celebrate you. Money isn’t a wall; it may be an obstacle but remember that God puts up the hardest obstacles for his toughest soldiers. The World is waiting!!!

 

 

WOLE SOYINKA WHO???

It had to take this lingering ASUU strike for many Nigerian youths to discover and develop their inner talents. Talents which entirely have nothing to do with a university degree.
In fact, the likes of Olawale of Project Fame and Moshood Abiola "Kiddy Mizzy" (@Iam_Mokiddy), the winner of The Skelewu Dance Competition owe their new found wealth to the persistence of the ASUU strike.
The Ministry of Information revealed in August that since the inception of the ASUU strike on July 1st, over 20,000 blogs had been created in Nigeria, and most of which were owned and operated by university students.