MAY I TAKE YOUR ORDER?

       We’ve probably all gone to a restaurant or fast food place and tried to place an order, only to have the waiter(waitress) or attendant give you attitude like you were the reason their boyfriend refused to buy that bag from Balogun or the one who snitched and made the boss scream at them. First of all, you come in, with your civil smile on your face and greet them and they don’t answer, if you’re like me, you just raise your eyebrow and let it go and then you say “ Can I please have fried rice?” and then the waitress squeezes her bleached face, rolls her eyes  and goes “ we only have jollof”. You see, the best advice I can give you in this kind of situation is; unless that’s the only place to buy food in the area, take back your greeting, turn around and leave. No one wants their food served with frustration.

       We all know how nasty customer service can be, especially in Nigeria. Its like everyone is competing for the one who can show the most people that they are frustrated with their jobs and lives. You walk into a shop at 9am in the morning and the shop attendant is snarling at you! Did something chase you in your dream??

       In my opinion, in starting and operating a business, the most important thing after capital is staffing. A businessman could have the most brilliant business idea which under normal circumstances would rake in millions for him but because he has employed staff that have been frowning from their mother’s wombs and snap and snarl at customers, he just might find himself managing a couple of thousands as income. This doesn’t only happen in shops and restaurants though; you also see this kind of animalistic behavior manifesting in some tellers in banks. At times, they are so rude and unaccommodating that you begin to wonder ‘Whose money is it again?’ In a country like Nigeria, where a quantifiable portion of the population is illiterate, I would think people in the position to provide such services would have developed the patience to handle situations where they have to explain little by little. I mean, if you know you have patience span of Christmas banger, find a job where you are not expected to relate with too many people.

        I went to Cold Stone the other day, and their customer service was wonderful. The guy that attended to me was very civil and patient. He came on with the whole ‘Welcome to Cold Stone……’.  Now you would think that they’ve been in business long enough to not have to impress their customers but all the attendants were just as nice. Yes, I was jobless enough to observe.  He was patient enough to give me the lowdown on about three of their specials till I chose the one I wanted and even when I felt like I was overbilled, they took the time to explain why it was that price. Now it’s not because I was a girl and all, I observed and that they were that way with all their customers.

          All those waitresses would sit and complain about how there are seven girls to one guy in the world and how there are no more good guys left, but how do they expect to meet the guys when they scare them off with their frowns and snarls and in direct contrast, the waiters or male attendants are busy hitting on their customers with pickup lines they dug up in the Sahara desert!

        That doesn’t mean that there aren’t crazy customers out there oh. We’ve probably also experienced a few customers going unnecessarily berserk on attendants at airports, banks, shops. They just make a scene and leave, but you see, you can’t fight with a mad person, they would bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. So I would advise you to just steer clear of those ones. If you see someone whose normalcy time bomb is about to go off, just respect yourself and dress back!    

        The moral of my rant today is that you should put a smile on your face; you’d be amazed how much you could change just by smiling. Entrepreneurs; don’t employ frustrated people or people who don’t even believe in the product they are selling, they would kill your product before it gets to your customers. My fellow customers of banks, shops, restaurants, even telecommunication services ( Uche Onise lol) , if you encounter anyone frowning or snarling at you, look straight into their eyes and say ‘ You look ugly when you frown’ and then move on to the next smiling attendant; trust me, it the cheapest way to save our planet. 

  

                                                                                                                      Nky

OF MISSING AIRPLANES: 5 DAYS AND COUNTING

      

How a big airplane can go missing in this world full of satellite and radar technology baffles me beyond comprehension. American Special Forces can shoot a bullet from an underground bunker in the Appalachian Mountains to hit a mosquito half way around the world in Taiwan. But an aircraft this big is giving the security agencies and Armed Forces of ten countries, United States of America inclusive, serious headaches.

The lost aircraft, Malaysian Airlines MH 370 which had 239 souls on board took off from the Malaysian capital, Kuala Lumpur at 12:41 A.M (Malaysian time) on Saturday 8th of March. It was scheduled to arrive in Beijing, China at 6:30 A.M on the same day after a roughly estimated distance of 2,700 miles. But around 1:30 A.M, air traffic controllers in Subang, outside Kuala Lumpur reportedly lost contact with the plane over the sea between Malaysia and Vietnam.

Recovery team experts agree that the pilot did not complain of any distressing event before this rare occurrence. Everything was just going smoothly, and the plane just vamoosed out of contact. All radars and satellite devices orbiting the earth have not been able to help so far in determining the whereabouts of the plane.

Although I admit that I read too much spy novels and have an irresistible sympathy for Hollywood films, but I am pretty sure that one of those many satellites that Western powers having been racing to put in the sky is capable of zooming through the clouds to read the headlines of a Newspaper on a stand in a subway station (ask John Grisham about this). So why is this big aeroplane that is carrying 239 people not showing up on any technological device?

Rescue operatives are theorizing the causative factor of this mishap. They have drawn up three different theories as to the fate of the plane. Nothing concrete, but mere speculations. The first is that the plane ran into mechanical problems. I would not even attempt to adumbrate the variegated possibilities which could have led to this catastrophic disappearance. Military and technical experts have agreed that there is no concrete evidence, not even the slightest shard of speculative evidence which could point to a mechanical fault in the plane which could have resulted in this. The second speculative theory which is under serious doubt is that the pilots encountered human error. The possibility of this happening is very slim, as experts believe any such remote occurrence would have left traces to be picked up by the Control Tower.

The third theory which is the one that everyone is afraid of, yet the cleanliness of the disappearance, the way no trace was left behind leads to it: terrorism. Of course, memories of September 11 abounds in our minds, and authorities are careful to consider all available evidence, and have come to the conclusion that there is nothing concrete which points to terrorism. However, rescue teams and technical analysts have still not cast aside this theory, for nobody is certain of anything as at now.Examination of relevant documents and tapes have revealed that nothing was remotely wrong with the aircraft just before take-off. All pre-flight and flight protocols are alleged to have been followed. The only suspicious incident is that two of the passengers are alleged to have used false passports in boarding the planes, and have been confirmed to be Iranian Nationals. I need not remind you that Iran is a country known for destructive violence and acts of terrorism against Western Nations.

Families of the passengers of the allegedly ill-fated flight have reported that the telephones of their relatives in the plane were still ringing, as at Monday, 10th of March. Of course, the phones kept ringing out with no one to answer.
  Experts are using this report to aid their theory that the plane cannot be under water. Thus, helping to narrow the search area by ruling out the possibility that the plane crashed at sea. However, as earlier stated, everything is mere speculations and the authorities are not prepared to quit searching the seas until they have something more definitive.

There is a rumoured speculation that the plane was hijacked, and the passengers and crew are being held against their will. But procedure requires that the pilot send a May-day warning to the control Tower in event of such occurrence. The abruptness of the disappearance and lack of warning puts this speculation in serious doubt. And in the absence of any person or group claiming responsibility, terrorism seems to be far from the answer.
Rescue operatives are in the process of triangulating the position of the cell phones of the passengers, using GPS data. However, this attempt seems to be hitting the rocks as the phone batteries are running out.

Does this then mean that we have another Bermuda Triangle in the offing? Or is this simply an act of God beyond human comprehension?

I pray God gives strength to the families and friends of the victims to bear through these hard times.

IT BEGINS WITH YOU!

       Walking into a plush restaurant in Magodo after my car broke down, I noticed two women at the extreme talking and giggling. Itching to hear what all  the ruckus was about, I sat at a table  close to them. Sipping my wine, I repositioned my head to get a better view of their faces while I listened, I listened not eavesdropped.

“You won’t believe this, he wears only one shirt to class” said the girl closer to me.

“Oh! My! Gosh!! Girl… you are so dope, how did you manage to sit near him” the other replied while dutifully twiddling her hands.

“I nearly gagged…”

     I could not believe my ears on what these caricatures of the very existence of humans were blabbing about.  The first question that popped into my head while been oblivious of the voices behind me was “WHO ARE WE TO CONDEMN OTHERS?” It reminded me of conversation with a cousin of mine about stance on Nigeria politics.  “Jide, you have the auspicious aura of being a great politician emitting from your very being: I said teasingly.  “God  forbid, that is the last thing I would want to be” he said looking at me squarely in the face. “Why? I asked in a bemused tone.  “Everything about Nigerian politics is a farce, corruption  and theft rule the realm… on and on he went while I listened with rapt attention.

    The salient question before us still remains” WHO ARE WE TO CONDEMN OTHERS”. Judge yourself before you judge others. Are you better than the boy who wears one shirt to class everyday down or the girl who works at the strip club.  Life has a way of making the hunter the hunted within a twinkle of an eye.  It is still a befuddling concept that people can cast aspersions on the honesty of the government when they themselves are no better than thieves.  It is also a striking surprise that we can accuse the government of killing persons for rituals when we all can kill a person with out mouth and commit abortion.  Hmmm!!! I'm not trying to exonerate anybody from their faults or abate them of them either, all I am saying is that a change begins with you, why don’t you give the boy with only one shirt some and go down to the girl at the strip club and show her some love. Why don’t we help the girl who got pregnant while in school with her academics instead of casting aspersions on her virtues, it could be you or me, nobody knows tomorrow.  It begins with you trying to stop stealing your parents’ money in ways a person can’t imagine, giving a little help to those around us in need of it, the change actually begins with you.  A popular adage says, “he who points a finger at others should also remember that three more fingers point back at him”.

    If we care so much to notice the negative sides of others, we could be ardent enough to cause a change instead of pouring our vile, demeaning and absurd sentences on others.

    A change in the world begins with our attitudes in our homes, amongst our friends and in the community at large.

Written by: Khosy E.

On this International Women's Day......

          Flipping through the Newspaper on a Sunny day, a particular topic caught my attention. My God, what I saw brought tears to my eyes and a fierce hunger in me to revolt; women have been degraded to a level of nothingness.

 

         We have often been told that “equality for women has been won” but hey!! Cut the crap, that’s a big lie from the very pit of hell! What happens to women being killed by their partners, girls been victimized and raped? I read of stories which included the rape of a ten month old baby Hadiza, six year old daughter of a gateman, 19 year old Godiya who was raped by a Pastor, a six month old who was raped to death, are these facts part of the concept of equality between men and women? I also begin to wonder what pleasure a sensible man hopes to get from sex with a toddler except a mad man, yes, a mentally deranged and depraved personality.

       Another aspect that left me burning of this marginalized group is the pornography industry. The pornography industry has been taken to another level, degrading and demeaning the existence of the female folks. The display of women in a disgusting state for the pleasure of viewers including gross brutality and violence brings tears that burn so hot. I believe that behind the smiles, we do not know their pains, we do not know or have a clue as to what happens behind the scenes and the façade behind the videos. Women have also been turned into baby making machines. Most men marry for the sole purpose of procreation forgetting God’s main aim for creating a woman which is to be a companion. I recently watched a film where a husband found out that his wife was on the pill, he beat her up and while she was still recovering from the shock of it, he forcefully slept with her to make sure she got pregnant. Such brutality in this 21^st century? It just gives me the shivers. That is not even the worst of it, a girl is raped and brutalized but creations of God go ahead to post such a video online; what human does that to his fellow human. It reminds me of several videos which included the video of 3 women tortured and manhandled for stealing N50 Pepper; ordinary pepper! Sticks were inserted into their private parts as part of the torture process, such atrocity. Another girl was stripped naked and assaulted by the so-called thief catchers after she was caught with a stolen Blackberry. We sure know of the story of the girl who went to visit a friend she met on 2go and was gang raped with the full episode posted on the internet. Sit back, relax and ponder on the fate of these unfortunate girls.

         I believe section on 34(1) of the Constitution of the Federal Republic of Nigeria 1999 as amended refers to the fact that a person is not to be subjected to torture, inhuman or degrading treatment but I also do not want to believe that it excludes the women from it’s protection. Now, people would say that rape occurs due to the provocative dresses that girls wear; Wow!!! That’s very impressive but does this theory also apply to the rape of toddlers by uncles, dads, brothers, cousins etc? Does it apply to the case of a girl who refused sexual advances from an admirer?  Does it apply to a girl coming back or going to vigil whose only crime was walking at night?

         The facts that cut through my heart are that some vile demons in form of women also help to perpetrate these evil deeds. It is an intractable question I find myself asking, women are supposed to fight, stand up and defend one another instead of engineering the whole deed and reducing their fellow woman to a sized pea. A widow is chased out of the house, common sense demands that the elderly mothers of the boy’s family should understand the plight of the widow instead they are the beginning and ending of the abuse in collaboration with the males in family, such wonder.

      It is time for liberation of women, for the whole world to move at a desired pace, the downtrodden group must be liberated. Women have a tremendous role to play not only in the liberation but in making sure that it is an all the way revolution. We are not baby factories, sex toys and worst of all punching bags, we are humans with feelings and capable of full equality in every realm.

       This is a clarion call to all the women and girls out there, we are specially created by God and should also partake in the fulfillment entitled to us. My ears tingle when I hear some chauvinistic males saying that girls can’t pass a particular limit. We can do it, we can be the best, we can excel in what we do and do it better that them, if we only can believe that being a girl doesn’t stop us from actualizing our full potentials.

        I leave with this final note, a woman was created from the ribs under his arms to be protected, close to his heart to be loved and not under his feet to be trampled upon. A man who shows any form of brutality doesn’t exhibit manly strength but is been deluded to show forth his weakness and insecurity.

 

Written by:
Khosy .E.

 

 

ALLOCUTUS TO NNPC

O thou mighty NNPC!
The Alpha and the Omega of power in Nigeria
The sole source fundamental of fuel in Nigeria
The Almighty dictator of whether Nigerians should have fuel or not.

We have sinned against thee
We have committed a transgression so great to provoke thy mighty wrath
Our ignorance in following the ignorant was our ruinous undoing
For this, we say we are sorry.

We accept that we were trying your patience when we listened to that whistle blower
We accept that we insulted your sense of honour when we whispered on blog pages and newspaper
We accept that the House of Reps were drunk when they asked you to account for your past income
For tis only the drunken that can speak with such thriving ignorance.

We have seen the might of your power and the extent of your influence
We have learnt that we do not argue with he who supplies food on our tables
We are learning to turn a blind eye to your nefarious activities
For thou art mighty, and thy actions unquestionable.

We have learnt that blood is thicker than water; given PHCN’s recent attitude towards electricity
Sold like a slave to the highest bidder; after two decades of being abused and insulted
They are sympathising with you no doubt.
And we are left to bear the brunt of your collective anger.

Forgive us our transgressions, and accept our olive branch
We offer you our silence, we offer our reticence
We shall go blind because of thee, and ears deaf to thy activities
As long as our daily quart of oil is to us supplied.

Give us fuel, o Mighty NNPC
And beseech thy brother PHCN to bestow us with the grace of electricity
We pay our homage to you both, and promise to never question your activities
Your point has been made, and we are truly sorry.
  

TELEMUNDO : A WOMAN'S CHAMPION'S LEAGUE

           For decades, maybe even centuries, men during football season have dominated the television and neglected their wives and girlfriends’ pleas for attention and conversation in order to prevent them from missing Messi’s free kick, women everywhere have given up and accepted defeat at the hands of Super Sport……or so we thought.

        Now while the men and boyfriends of the world were busy jumping and squealing while watching Manchester United and Arsenal school each other, the Global Association of Wives and Girlfriends was scheming and brainstorming ways to regain control of the television at all hours, the African branch argued that they were already in charge of concoction of meals and nominated the American branch for the task, the American women argued vehemently that they were already in charge of the production and distribution of weaves and shoes and so they could not take on another project. After much argument and delegation of responsibility, it was finally agreed that the Mexican branch who had remained jobless from the inception of the organization should take on the responsibility of coming up with a way for the women to repay their men for their ninety minutes of negligence and regain control of the remote at the same time.

     The Mexican women tried various things ranging from ensuring that the times for beauty pageant clashed with the times of various matches to ensuring that matches were played on weekdays so working men would be discouraged from watching but nothing seemed to work. Just when the Mexican women were about to call an emergency meeting and declare that they had given up, they decided that they might not be able to stop football but they could come up with feminine equivalent to the evil that stole their men’s attention for all of 90 minutes! Thus Telemundo was born.

      Now, for those of us who are not familiar with this concept, let me give you a short lesson on the subject. Telemundo is a DSTV channel on 118 which only shows Mexican or South-American soaps with English voice-overs, mainly on subjects of love, jealousy, envy and passion. The actors and actresses are characteristically beautiful. Telemundo is relatively a new channel and started off on AIT and other TV stations which showed Mexican soaps for one hour every day. There are some popular ones which you may heard of or even watched such as ‘When you are mine’ , ‘Second Chance’ etc And for men, if you have been wandering what keeps your wife or girlfriend awake till eleven watching TV every weekday, it’s probably a Mexican soap. It’s worthy to note that since these Mexican soaps are shown for only one hour every day, they span over four months before they are concluded.

          Now back to the women’s scheme, The plan of the Mexican women became such a great success that it was given its own channel which shows at least five consecutive telenovelas each showing for fifty minutes daily (without adverts). The GAWG was so happy at the invention of the Mexican branch and put it to use immediately. Instantly, they stopped complaining of the men’s football and tables turned. The men were the ones complaining that women no longer had their time because they were busy watching Telemundo and admiring the beautiful actors carefully handpicked for such a purpose.

    Telemundo has now come to ensure that women no longer have the time to try to distract their husbands and boyfriends from football. This story just goes to show you the power of a determined woman or in this case, all the determined women in the world. We are watching to see what the International Association of Husbands and Boyfriends will do about this, until then please who knows what’s wrong with Pilar? lol

THE QUINTESSENCE OF BEAUTY

My very good friend, Walter Ude tweeted this story to me, and I couldn't resist sharing it.  Walter blogs at My Mind Snaps.

THE QUINTESSENCE OF BEAUTY

We have been coached to abstract the idea of beauty as being perfect; Perfect physique, perfect eyes, perfect nose, perfect lips,
and perfect hair – in other words, too perfect to be human. It seems to me that once you have moved up your way to the top of the entertainment industry and have being elevated from being a mere human to a super-perfect star, then – and only then – can you be called “beautiful”.
The question of who decides who is beautiful is one that has always puzzled me. So I did a bit of investigating on my own. I asked around for my usual company to define beauty. I got
answers like “J-Lo”, “Brad Pitt”, “Halle Berry”, and “Beyoncé”. In some instances, some even tossed out “Genevieve Nnaji” and “RMD”. I rest my case. Does having a well-toned figure/physique, piercing brown eyes and high cheekbones make you beautiful? And if so, does that mean that I – with my ordinary looks – have lost out on this prestigious title?
The pressure to be perfect, created by media hype, has gotten numerous youths, especially the girls, into a frenzy – so much so that teenagers believe that worthiness is not their birthright. There’s the dieting, the fashion consciousness – which is just a pseudonym for tighter tops and shorter skirts –, and the heart attack they almost get when a parent suggests a hair-cut. How on earth are they supposed to get Beyoncé’s flowing hair if they are visiting the barber every now and then? And I’m no even talking about the youngsters above their twenties. In the cosmetic surgery-jammed cities of Los Angeles and New York, you get 16-
year-olds talking about getting nose jobs and tummy tucks.
Whatever happened to “what counts on the inside matters” and “being pure of heart”? Growing up, I had a cousin who was blessed with a tendency to be chubby and thick, short, unforgiving, stubborn hair (cursed with it more like, she always emphasized). But her mother always assured her that she was the most beautiful girl ever. But uh-uh… she knew better. When she got into secondary school, not even motherly love could pacify her insecurities that just got worse. She thought that if she could put on a little mascara, walk like Naomi Campbell, and fit herself into a dress that Mariah Carey would wear, she too could be called “beautiful”. She quickly
learned that trying to meet everyone’s passive expectations was humanly impossible.
I’m not trying to disparage those fortunate ones who’ve been blessed with successes in the gene pool contest. In fact, I’m human enough to turn for a second look each time a girl with a stunning face and an arresting derrière walks by; or to sigh with envy whenever I see a guy with abs worthy of the Mr. World beauty pageant.
I’m also trying to encourage those of us with beauty imperfections. I’m saying that when someone asks you who you consider to be the most beautiful person in the world, you should
majestically raise your chin, brush your shoulders off and reply, “Me!” Why? Because at the core of it all, you are perfect, whole
and complete. God is your artist. He created you. You are His definitive work that can never be surpassed.
              

                           ******

Of course, the author of this article, Walter Ude is a very handsome dude, I can vouch for that, having seen him though not in person, but following him on all the Social Networking sites gives me the advantage of seeing his unadulterated and un-mutilated pictures.

So 'bad-belles' should not view this article as an 'avenue' to give hope  to the 'worwor' citizens of Cyberspace.

Beauty, lies not only in the eyes of the beholder, but also the mind of the object.

Special thanks to @Walt_shakes for this article.

You can read the article from the original source here.

THE HEADLESS CHICKEN THAT LIVED FOR TWO YEARS

This may sound weird, but it is actually true. And in case you are wondering (as I obviously did) why you haven't heard of this since, it is because it happened far before even when most of our parents were born.

“Mike” became “the Headless Chicken” on September 10th, 1945 after being decapitated by his owner, Lloyd Olsen from Fruita, Colorado, who wanted to cook him for dinner. Olsen chose from his yard, a five-and-a-half-month-old cockerel named “Mike”.
During Mike’s attempted decapitation, Lloyd hit all the wrong (or right) spots, leaving Mike headless but still alive. The axe missed the jugular vein, leaving one ear and most of the
brain stem intact. Despite Olsen’s failed attempt to behead Mike, Mike was still able to balance on a perch and walk clumsily; he even attempted to preen and crow, although he could do neither. When the bird did not die, Mr. Olsen, who was surprised, decided to continue to care permanently for Mike, feeding him a mixture of milk and water via an eyedropper; he was also fed small grains of corn.
When used to his new and unusual centre of mass, Mike could easily get himself to the highest perches without falling. His crowing, though, consisted of a gurgling sound made in his throat. Mike also spent his time attempting to preen and peck for food with his neck. Mike shook off the upsetting incident and shortly after, started pecking around and grooming his feathers as if nothing had happened. Well, he couldn’t really do all those things because without a head the bird couldn’t eat, drink or see but that didn’t stop him from trying! After feeding him grains and quenching his thirst, Olsen took Mike to the University of Utah where flabbergasted scientists took a close look at the death-defying chicken.
According to reports, a blood clot prevented Mike from bleeding to death after Olsen’s axe had missed the jugular. As if by miracle, Mike was still left with his left ear and most of his brain stem intact which was enough to keep this feathered critter healthy for the following two years of his life. Apparently chicken’s reflexes lie in their brain stem which explains why Mike still attempted to peck and even sing – gurgle rather, despite his handicap. Olsen swore to take care of him for the rest of his life, feeding him milk and water with syringes. Mike was doing so well, he even gained weight determining Lloyd to call him a “robust chicken – a fine specimen of a chicken except for not having a head.” Once his fame had been established, Mike began a career of touring sideshows in the company of such other creatures as a two-headed calf. He was also photographed for dozens of magazines and papers, featuring in Time and Life magazines. Mike was on display to the public for an admission cost of twenty five cents. At the height of his popularity, the chicken earned USD 4,500 per month ($48,000 in 2010 dollars) and was valued at $10,000.Olsen’s success resulted in a wave of copycat chicken beheading, but no other chicken lived for more than a day or two.
But alas like every abnormality of nature, nothing lasts forever.
In March 1947, at a motel in Phoenix on stopover while travelling back from tour, Mike started choking in the middle of the night. The Olsens had inadvertently left their feeding and cleaning syringes at the sideshow the day before, and so were unable to save Mike. Olsen claimed that he had sold the bird off, resulting in stories of Mike still touring the country as late as 1949. Other sources say that the chicken’s severed trachea could not take in enough air properly to be able to breathe; and therefore choked to death in the motel.

Culled from YNaija.com

THE GREATER GOOD OR THE LESSER EVIL

“Nature has placed mankind under the governance of two sovereign masters, pain and pleasure. It is for them alone to point out what we ought to do, as well as to determine what we shall do. They govern us in all we do, in all we say, in all we think: every effort we can make to throw off our subjection, will serve but to demonstrate and confirm it. In words a man may pretend to abjure their empire, but in reality he will remain subject to it all the while…”
This was the view proposed by English scholar Jeremy Bentham in his essay: An Introduction to the Principles of Morals and Legislation. The theory of utilitarianism has guided many parliaments for many decades. The proponents of the utilitarian school are of the view that the fundamental principle which should regulate legislative processes should be the preponderance of pleasure over pain. A legislative pronouncement should be constituted in such a manner as to ensure that the pleasure derivable from it prevails over and above any intended pain. In addition to this, the pleasure must be available to a larger number of citizens than the pain. Thus for any law to be considered, it must possess this two-fold quality: preponderance of pleasure over pain; and availability of this pleasure to a greater number of citizens.

This simple test proved to be consistent in the Seventeenth and Eighteenth centuries due to the harmony between law and morals. Law was based though not wholly on morals, but substantially on it. The homogeneity of colonies operating under the utilitarian theory provided a suitable justification for the supposed subjectivity of morals. Legislative pronouncements were therefore based on the prevailing moral standards of the constituency in question.

However, in the Nineteenth Century, man began to broaden his knowledge in obedience to divine injunction. Man’s knowledge of evil increased contemporaneously with his knowledge of good. Morals began to undergo a major revolution. The knowledge that a hitherto forbidden act could be so pleasurable to one led man to reposition his orientation towards law and morals. The knowledgeable man in a bid to ensure his freedom, felt that there had to be a dichotomy between law and morals. This led to a mass divorce of laws from morals. Man relied on the supposed subjectivity of morals as a justification for this dichotomy. The moral code in a province was bound to be different from that of another province under the same legal system. It would therefore had been tantamount to an ‘abuse of legislative processes’ to subject different colonies to a legal code based on divergent moral principles. To do otherwise would demean the supposed uniformity of laws.

Concepts such as liberalism, democracy, freedom, protection of minority rights, etc. sprung up in the Twentieth century, and pulled law further from morals. With man’s increased knowledge of both good and evil pleasures, he learnt how to choose between two necessities. The concept of placing precedence ‘over and above’ was developed. The utilitarian mode of legislation was modified. Legislators when faced with two conflicting choices no longer choose the alternative that would bring ‘the greatest happiness to the greatest number’, but rather opted for the ‘lesser of the two evils’.
Of course, it would not be far-fetched to imply an innate presence of evil in all legislative pronouncements. There is the presupposition of a corresponding evil in all knowledge of good, and man in a bid to understand the dynamics the universe cannot do without finding out both.

Hence, this developed theory of placing precedence on the ‘lesser evil’ is evident in sovereign parliaments today. In Nigeria for instance, child marriage is deemed a lesser evil over recognition of gay rights. In the twilight of the first republic, a united war-torn Nigeria was chosen as a lesser evil over secession. Shielding corrupt government officials is preferred as a lesser evil over exposing them to humiliating public scrutiny. The list of instances when the Nigerian government (both past and present) placed precedence on the ‘lesser evil’ goes on to include removal of subsidy on petroleum products.

Needless to say, the ‘lesser evil’ has often times come into conflict with the ‘greater good’. And the government takes great care to de-emphasize the importance of the ‘greater good’. In 1966, the prospect of secession by the hitherto Eastern Region seemed to preponderate more happiness than pain to a wider number of Nigerians than war. But the all-knowledgeable Gowon-led government felt that it would be safer to opt for the lesser evil, at the cost of hundreds of thousands of sacrosanct lives. In 2012, the Jonathan led administration after realising that sustaining subsidy on petroleum would preponderate more happiness than pain to a wider number of Nigerian citizens chose to opt for the lesser evil of using the subsidy funds for other projects. Inasmuch as exposing corrupt public officials to full public glare would serve a greater good, the helmsmen of government prefer to avoid the embarrassment and loss of confidence this would cost, and prefer the lesser evil of shielding them.

It would be safe to infer that the notion of passing laws which would preponderate the greatest happiness to the greatest number of people no longer holds sway. Especially in a country with a multitudinous population like Nigeria. What a Yoruba man may see as happiness may be viewed as pain by another ethnic group. Even the notion of preponderating the greatest happiness to the greatest number negates the principle of protection of minority rights. The minority which doesn’t benefit from the supposed happiness would definitely cry foul, hence the ‘lesser evil’ theory.

I am oluwanonso_esq on Twitter

Something Lovely

So I know Valentine's long gone, but still, I feel like passing on the love anyway. Enjoy the story......don't worry; it's not sappy. lol

   My love story is well, not your usual 'boy meets girl' type. Well it's not boy meets boy either but I guess you'll see. I'm Zainab and I'm 30 now. I met Frank about 12 years ago. He claims he knew the moment he saw me but I really don't believe that.

   It all started in my first year of college. My parents had managed to scrape money from all the ends of the earth (almost literally) to pay my tuition fees and they had finally succeeded and so I was in school. So you don't misunderstand, my parents weren't lazy or poor; I just figured it couldn't be easy to raise seven kids and still have money left for luxuries. I, on the other hand, wanted so many more things for myself than just the necessities so I tried my hand at anything that sounded like it could get me money; that translates to being a professional passer-by on all movie sets I could find.

   It was during this job scouting process I came across the infomercial inviting people to get checked in order to see if one of their kidneys could be donated. Now, it wasn't the good Samaritan act that caught my attention but the $2000 compensation to be paid by the desperate family. It took me all of 5 minutes to convince myself that I wasn't feeding off someone else's despair. I actually prayed that my kidney would be a match for the boy who needed it before going to bed that night. Desperate much?

    I finally found the time and the courage to go to the hospital without telling my parents. On getting there, I informed the nurse of my intention and a couple of tests were run on me. Blood drawn and the entire nine yards. An hour later, the doctor came up to me beaming like a Bright tuesday morning. My kidney was the perfect match! I literally saw dollar signs floating around the room at that moment. The doctor then led me to meet the boy and his family. There he was, Frank, lying with a big smile on his face. He was ever so chatty, it was hard to tell he was the one who desperately needed a kidney transplant. I remember how friendly his family was, his mum even teased me about my short nails; it felt good to feel appreciated, so good I forgot about the compensation for a second.

    A week later, the operation was ready to be carried out. My parents were still oblivious, I didn't want anyone to talk me out of my brilliant plan. Frank came up to me in his wheelchair while the doctors were preparing for the surgery. He was as calm and happy as ever. I, on the other hand was sweating in places I didn't even know existed! I remember how he made me laugh by imitating how my parents would react if they found out I donated my kidney without telling them anything about it. He made me laugh so hard; I totally forgot how nervous I had been. I didn't know at that point that he'd make me laugh that way forever.

   We went through almost eight hours of surgery and I had a recovery time of one week; his was a bit longer but I had never been as relieved as I was when I heard the doctor say the surgery was successful.

   Frank lived in Texas and I was all the way in Florida so after the surgery and the compensation was paid, I didn't expect to ever see him again. But the next semester, there he was in my arts class. He had transferred to my college; of all the ones in the United States, he came to mine.

    We became really good friends eventually; he would always have an opinion and somehow that intrigued me. It was during of one those days that he suddenly stopped talking and looked me straight in the eye and said ' All my life, no one has ever made me look forward to tomorrow as much as you have or appreciate today as much and you may never understand how, Zay, but I promise to show you one day how you've changed my life just by being in it' and he asked me to be his girlfriend; in the sweetest way possible, with a flower he'd picked from a rose bush. It wasn't perfect but I wouldn't have had it any other way.

   With Frank, it was always fun. Always ' Zay; let's climb that mountain or Zay, let's lie in the middle of the road'. He made sure to enjoy every second he had, and he made sure to do it with me. I loved him for that. My parents were crazy about him. My mum personally couldn't get over the fact that he could cook, she would always say in her Nigerian accent ' Frank, please take this girl and knock some culinary skills into her brains'.

  He graduated college before me and when I finally did, it felt like the world was ours; he took a job at a classy firm in Dallas and I opened my little art studio. It was one day out of the perfection that was our lives that he proposed. I was at his apartment and he insisted we watch a particular movie, it was a bit odd since he usually let me pick the movies but I didn't pay any attention. We had been together for about four years then. Halfway through the movie, he got up, he'd been a little jitsy through it but I didn't want to pause the movie to ask if he was ok (selfish? maybe a little). Suddenly, the screen went totally blank and lights in the room went off. A second later, the lights came back on but the tv wasn't playing the movie anymore, it was a recording of Frank's voice. I was somewhere in between scared and confused and I started to listen to the playback, at the same time he appeared looking oh so dapper in his suit (yes, in the house lol). It was then I realised what was happening ; I must have shut out the playback from the TV or maybe he paused it but the only thing I could see, hear, feel, sense, imagine was Frank kneeling in front of me. Then he said and I'll never forget ' If I have to lose function in both kidneys and lay in a bed for a month and pay  and five hundred dollars and have needles pushed through every inch of me to find the love I've found in you; I'll do it a million times over just so I laugh at your bad cooking and watch you smile. Zainab Mallory Malik, I love and will always love you. Will you marry me?' I must have said yes ten times in two seconds. It was everything I had ever dreamed of and then some. My mum screamed louder than I did when she heard; it was her nature so that wasn't surprising. His family thought it was a long time coming, to them I had been his wife from the start. I'd never been more in love.

   Two weeks to our wedding, we were driving and laughing in the snow and I was making a video for instagram with the ipad while Frank drove. Suddenly; this trailer swerved off its lane and into ours, everything went blank.

 

 I got out with a few cuts, Zay had a collision with the ipad she was holding and the windscreen as well; her body was halfway in the car and halfway out. We were both taken to the hospital. When I came to, no one wanted to tell me how Zay was doing or if she made it at all. I had never been so scared in my life. I cried for the first time since I could remember.

  Days later, I was finally allowed to see her; she was in a coma and wasn't responding to the drugs she was taking. I remember how she just lay there and all I could do was pray and hope and beg with my heart that she would come back to me.

   Days turned to weeks and weeks to months. Money was accumulating on the life support machine. Everyone was gradually losing hope that she would ever wake up. My head told me to pull away to realise that it was hopeless but my heart held on for dear life. How could the person that had given me life and sustained it be taken away from me and I could do absolutely nothing about it? How could God have loved me enough to send her to save me but not use me to save her? How could I live and move knowing that I would never see that smile again? I had been telling my mum to only postpone the wedding and not call it off for months and she must have been getting tired of answering people's questions when they asked about a specific date. I had come to sit by Zay everyday since the accident hoping that somehow our love would be strong enough to bring her back.

    Finally; the doctors came, after about 5 months of life support with the form for me to sign so they could take her off the machine. My hand shook at the very sight of the pen; I couldn't even bring myself to hold it. The doctors decided to let me say my goodbyes. I couldn't think of what to say to the person I'd thought I would sit in rocking chairs with in old age and take long walks with just for the sake of them. I couldn't say goodbye to Zay. Then I remembered the promise I made to her the day I asked her to be my girlfriend; years back in college and how she smiled that perfect smile and with tears I said ' All my life, no one has ever made me look forward to tomorrow as much as you have or appreciate today as much and you may never understand how, Zay, but I promise to show you one day how you've changed my life just by being in it. Zay, please, allow me to keep my promise to you, wake up so I can love you and protect you like you deserve'. I was crying like crazy so I decided it was over. I kissed her cold, dark lips for the last time and made towards the door.

  Then I heard it; I heard a cough, I thought I might have been imagining something so I took a step back and she coughed again! I gave Usain Bolt a run for his money when I flew down the halls to announce to the doctors that Zay coughed. They taught I was only saying it to make sure the machine was left on longer but indeed, after almost 6 months, she had awoken from the coma. My eyes filled with tears. She heard me and came back to me.

  After she woke up from the coma; she recovered quickly and perfectly and in a week she was itching to go home. She was finally discharged and I carried her all the way to the car. 

    Every now and again, I look at her and thank God that he let me save her just as she saved me. He led me to my perfect half. Zay and I have a son now, we are expecting another baby in July. Zay says it’s a girl; she doesn't know I could make a last minute change to that too *wink*

RE: MAN ARRESTED FOR HAVING SEX WITH A GOAT

“I asked the goat for permission”   and the goat replied, “You Mayyyyyy”

A 20 year old man in Jigawa State was arrested on the allegations having sexual intercourse with a goat in the Baranda Forest environs of the Dutse Local Government of the State.  According to the accused, Mallam Kamisu Baranda, the goat was his, and he asked its permission before performing the act. (Hian!!! And the goat replied, “You MAYYYYYY!!”). The bleating of a goat is somewhat similar to the English verb "MAY". Thus, for the guy mind, the goat bleated his acceptance and consent.

According to the Daily Times, the accused confessed that this was not the first time he had sex with animals inside the bush. He had done it over ten times but was never arrested. He regretted that if he knew he would be arrested, he would not had tried it because it was the reason why he would not make love to women in the area. He said animals satisfied his demands, that is why he is not after women the state just to avoid embarrassment but still he found himself ambushed by people in the area.

Ours is a country with a diversity of strange peculiarities. Our multitudinous population gives us the benefit of having a healthy number of people with all sort of unhealthy appetites. Of course, Section 42(2) of our hallowed 1999 Constitution provides that "No citizen of Nigeria shall be subjected to any disability or deprivation merely by reason of the circumstances of his birth." Thus our Senators are being prosecuted on blog pages for passing a bill that discriminates against homosexuals in this country. According to pro-gay activists, homosexuals can’t help the way they are! (a la Ngozi Adichie Chimamanda).

For the sake of logical argument, let us assume that homosexuality is not a crime. It is merely an act of two consenting adults partaking in the pleasures of each other’s bodies (as God has commanded?) Unlike paedophilia where a sexual pervert takes advantage of a minor (without the consent of the minor’s guardian?). This was the argument put forth by @gidigenius (www.lasgidikid.blogspot.com) a very distinguished blogger friend of mine. According to him, mutual consent between the two homosexual adults negates the presupposition of criminal tendency. Thus applying this principle to the story on ground, the accused, Mallam Kamisu Baranda explicitly stated in his statement of defence that he asked for the goat’s consent before embarking on his sodomic exercise. Therefore, it can be said that the accused, 20, being a legal non-minor, having validly sought and gotten approval from the goat, (also a legal non-minor); being a person whose sexual orientation has already been dictated to by virtue of the circumstances of his birth, and thus precluded against discrimination on the authority of Section 42(2) CFRN 1999 was within his rights to have had (lawful) carnal knowledge the goat.
Thus, as the pro-Gay activists are crying foul against the new Anti-Gay Bill, I also cry foul against the provisions of Section 214 of the Criminal Code Act which prohibits against unnatural offences: Any person who—
(1) has carnal knowledge of any person against the order of nature; or(2) has carnal knowledge of an animal.
What is good for the goose is also good for the gander. Thus, if gays are advocating for equality, then those with a natural sexual affection for animals also have a prerogative at stake!

Even the mere thought of sleeping with an animal is revulsive to some gays. That is why the Criminal Code aptly tagged it an offence against morality. Thus, so also is homosexuality.

Many a times, we have to forgo a legal right to achieve societal balance. Morality has to be preserved for the sake of posterity. Didn’t somebody once preach that we should be moral for the sake of duty? And don’t we owe a duty of care to the unborn generation? We owe them an unspoken duty to ensure that they grow up in a family made up of father, mother and children, not father, father, and foster siblings. The very fact that our parents did not resort to artificial insemination or whatever to conceive us should bind us to ensure likewise to our children. It is the belief of this writer that discrimination for the greater good of morality should be mildly permitted. After all, every general rule has an exception.

What is good for the goose should be good for the gander. That is what equality is all about.

I am oluwanonso_Esq on Twitter.
Oya shoot me.

DISCLAIMER: This write-up has nothing to do with the sexual orientation of the writer, and is not intended to be used as a medium for the prosecution of any civil rights movement relating to sodomy or otherwise.

My two kobo on the Anti- gay law.

            Hellur! Hellur! Yes, yes, we missed you too. We apologize for the long and unexplained break. Now that we are back, it’s time to talk about something serious. I know this is getting cliché now with all the reactions to the recently passed anti-gay laws, but then you know we have to weigh in. hehe. I’m writing this as a reaction to our earlier post on this issue.

          There are many phenomenons in life that we don’t understand like why people are poor when money is just paper (at least I think it is) and why the bible says that if a woman is raped, she should marry her rapist (Deuteronomy 22:28) and when we don’t understand things, we make the choices as to whether or not we should apply them in our daily lives. The issue of homosexuality is quite a novel one in our society, it has existed in the shadows for a long time but it is only until recently that it was brought to the forefront. Let me start by saying that I am not an advocate for gay rights but I also cannot stand for the persecution of people who have committed no crime.

          The most common argument I have heard against this issue is that of religion. I am a Christian, I may not be the best of them but I do know that it is said that God loved the world, there is no proviso saying but apart from homosexuals. Whenever there’s an argument about homosexuals, the first thing we run to is the bible, but have we really ever sat back to look through what the bible says? Most verses that condemn homosexuality also condemn adultery, rape, lying, theft, extortion, sodomy etc (1 Cor. 6:9-10). Why haven’t laws been made to punish liars and sodomites and adulterers. The failure of a legal system begins where it starts to mix up morality with law. If we are convinced that the bible is against homosexuality, shouldn’t we leave it to God to punish for the things upon which he has made laws.

           If our legal system wants to decide that they are elected by God and therefore should make punishments for immorality; I think they should begin with strengthening the punishments for rapists and setting up measures to prevent it after which they should move on to adultery and then jail all the divorcees in Nigeria as the bible also frowns upon that. All those screaming that homosexuality is a sin should sit back and recall that they are sinners as well and God is the only Judge.

             Don’t we always talk about the fundamentality of our human rights, and doesn’t Section 42(2) of the CFRN 1999 explicitly state that “No citizen of Nigeria shall be subjected to any disability or deprivation merely by reason of the circumstances of his birth”. Spending fourteen years behind bars sounds very much like deprivation to me or are we going to argue that homosexuality isn’t a circumstance of birth, because I’m sure no one will under normal circumstances subject themselves to the amount of unwarranted hate and discrimination that gay people receive.

            I was watching a compilation of the best X factor auditions the other day and there was this one about a boy whose parents kicked him out of the house on his 18^th birthday for being gay; his voice was OUTSTANDING! There are millions of people looking for healthy children after decades of marriage; I doubt they would be rejecting kids just because the boy turns out to be effeminate. I also heard something recently that made me reconsider my anti-gay stance; because we don’t understand how homosexuals live, we exaggerate it and make it seem like everything they do is gay, that they eat gay food and drink gay water and breathe gay air, most of the people we hate on are probably as confused about their feelings as we are about it and they don’t need our hate and discrimination.

         Now, I’m not saying I totally understand homosexuality or how people of the same sex could be affectionate towards each other, what I do know is this: not all gay people are evil, in fact I think most of the evil ones were destroyed along with Sodom and Gomorrah. Secondly, I’m sure people would ask me ‘ what would  you do if you had a gay child’, let me answer that right now, I don’t expect that to be an easy situation especially considering the society which we live in but I will love that child because he/she would be the one God created for me and I know God doesn’t make mistakes. Thirdly, I know that this law would only cause more havoc and make more hypocrites out of us.

        Finally, a few days ago I was on the fence on this issue but after reading Chimamanda's article and thinking long and hard I now know that I wouldn’t make anyone uncomfortable merely because he’s effeminate or because she doesn’t like boys. I’m going to love my neighbor, whether gay or straight, because I realize that life is tough enough on its own without us making it harder for people by judging them on things we don’t understand. I leave the final ruling on who is right or wrong to God to tell us on that day but until then, this law is Unconstitutional and downright unfair.



For a dissenting argument on this issue, go here

           

THE ADICHIE ANGLE

         Issues and controversies have continued to trail the recently-passed Anti-gay Law. Words have ceaselessly flowed and will, nonetheless, linger on until, as usual a new controversy takes the spotlight.

                   The very novelty of the gay issue in our jurisprudence seems an indictment of every point of view taken for or against the Anti-gay Law. A new(or rather, supporting angle) was recently added to the tragicomic controversy. And this angle, we shall, permittedly label, 'The Adichie Angle'. Also, it is this angle which we find fault with.

            Adichie had sensibly concluded in her recent write- up on the Anti-gay Law, that the anti-gay law was unconstitutional and Unafrican. Her well-bred courtesy for the gays had come especially at a time when her pen flew with inspiration. Her well-researched and obviously, well-written criticism of the bill was mystifying and it seeks to solve the intriguing puzzle going on. But, not improbably, with all due respect gay lifestyle had been declared contrary to the natural order of things by The Almighty. Divine law had made it a sin and it rightfully remains as such.

                No amount of veneration can change the fact that homosexuality is a sin; neither can any quantity or quality of logic nor reasoning lower it from the pedestal of sin it hangs.

                     The theme of perversity had been ascribed homosexual acts and it had certainly fallen upon appreciative ears in our society. Hence, one cannot help but question the wisdom of further involvement in controversy regarding the issue.   If anything, the hasty nature with which the bill was passed should have laid all controversies to rest. Had this not been the case, tomorrow, Rapists and Murderers will wake-up and start seeking legitimacy, too, for they also belong to the minority and they perceive their lifestyle not to constitute a crime!

      Indeed, The mark of a true democracy is not in the rule of its majority but in the protection of its minority, but that also is on the irreconcilable fact that the minority act reasonably. Dark wishes can never find any support because they are unable to bring about a connection.

   To all the Sochimas' of Nigeria, it is extremely possible for You to be like others. It takes will power. If your originator,could by her sheer determination become a well-received and acclaimed writer, then, there is no reason why You shouldn't be able to become just like others. It only requires will power. Self-control is beneficial-patiently replacing wrong thoughts with right ones; changing reprehensible actions to helpful ones.

       We just hope that our National Assembly, and leaders in general take-up the aggresiveness with which they passed the Anti-gay Law to fight other ills in the society, even the very one that touches them: Corruption!
   For a dissenting argument on this issue, go here



                                                                            Written by Igbinedion Oghosa and Arikor Collins.